RAW is WARrior- Recap and Thoughts

warrior

This week’s RAW starts with a shot of the entire roster on the stage in front of the Titantron with Warrior’s face on it. Most of the roster is wearing Warrior shirts, except notably John Cena and Randy Orton, who were probably bigger Hulkamaniacs as kids. Hulk, himself was completely absent from the show. Jerry Lawler asks everyone to join them as they honor Ultimate Warrior. We are then shown a video package highlighting the life and career of The Ultimate Warrior.

They cut to a commercial and when they come back, everyone gives a moment of silence, followed by a ten bell salute. They then give a standing ovation as his music plays.

After another commercial break, we return to see that tonight there will be a tournament for #1 contender for the IC Title, with RVD vs. Alberto Del Rio as the first match. Then another commercial break, seriously it’s been like ten minutes in and we already have hit three commercials, wtf.

rvd

RVD vs. Alberto del Rio-  Looks like del Rio was given the jobber treatment and is already in the ring, which means he will probably lose the match. Del Rio controls most of the match early, before surprise, another commercial! We come back and Van Dam is in control now. After a pretty good match, with the normal amount of RVD fuck ups, RVD wins by tripping del Rio when he’s on the second rope, then hitting the 5 star frog splash for the win. RVD moves on to the second round.

frogsplash

We are then showed clips of what happened last week between the Authority, Daniel Bryan, and the Shield.

We go to the back where we see the Ed Hardy Boys talking to Steph and Triple H. We can’t hear what they are saying, but we can assume it was about tribal tattoos, working out, or having really short hair. You know, regular dude stuff.

We then see the classic 30 second match between Honky Tonk Man and Ultimate Warrior, where Warrior won the IC title.

elvis

 

We then go back to backstage where the Ed Hardy Boyz are talking to Steph and Trips. We can hear now that they are talking about the Shield. Triple H says they remind him of them when they were together (memories..). He says if they are the same page, nobody can stop them. Batista says whatever, whatever, I do what I want, I want the title (not exactly that, but my mind tends to unfocus whenever he starts talking), Orton than says that it’s Trips problem, not theirs.

Golden Rhodes vs. Rybaxel- Decent tag match, with both teams hitting their normal spots. Rybaxel manages to get the win, when Ryback hits Cody with the meat hook. Not sure what this match accomplishes, but it’s always good to see the Rhodes brothers in action.

goldust

Paige, Paige, Paige!!! vs. Alicia Fox- My favorite diva, Paige! (can you tell I’m excited about it) has a short match with Fox, which she wins fairly easily with her submission finisher the Scorpion Cross Lock, which is a much better move than her other finisher the Lighting Spiral, er the Paige Turner.

paige

The Usos vs. The Ed Hardy Boyz– After being bum rushed by the Ed Hardy Boyz last week, The Usos (rocking Warrior color face paint, nice touch) make sure to get the quick start on them. They toss them out, then hit dives in stereo. After the Usos get the crowd fired up a bit, Orton gets back in the ring to officially start the match. Orton and Batista then take control of most the rest of the match, until Orton throws one of the Usos onto the announcer table. Business then starts to pick up, as the Shield come down to the ring and attack Orton. The Shield then surround the ring with Batista inside of it. Batista fights it off for a minute, and is then swarmed by the Shield. Roman Reigns then hits a huge Superman punch on Batista, where it looks like he legit knocked him out, because Batista was woosy as fuck afterwards. Orton and Batista retreat to the back, Batista looks like he can barely walk.

knockedout

After the commercial, the Ed Hardy Boyz, run into Trips and he just says told you.  Batista and Orton, then longingly look into each other’s eyes.

Cesaro vs. Mark Henry- Paul Heyman makes his way to the stage, to talk about Brock beating the streak again for a little bit, so we don’t forget about him, till he makes his comeback at SummerSlam. After promoting Brock a bit, he brings out the King of Swing, Cesaro.  We get what is thankfully a short match, where Cesaro nails some awesome Euros on Henry, then hits probably the worst neutralizer ever on Henry, which to be fair was all Mizark’s fault. Cesaro moves on to the second round of the IC tourney. No swing this time for the King of Swing.

king

In the back, Trips is talking to Brad Maddox, he tells him to tell the Shield they have a match tonight against mystery opponent!!!!

Alexander Rusev vs. Xavier Woods– Standard Rusev squash match. There was an Xavier Woods sighting! I almost forgot he was on the roster. Rusev again wins with that finisher, that has never been done before in the WWE. The Camel Clutch, er the Accolade! Also, Lana is a very handsome woman.

camel

After the match, R Truth, who came out with Woods attacks Rusev. Rusev pushes him away and Lana calls him off. Truth then goes to check on Woods, then Lana tells Rusev to attack him. Rusev hits a kick to Truth’s head and peaces out. When this happened, my friend who I was watching the show with, said in his best Russian accent “Next week we are coming for you extra crispy!” I laughed super hard for like twenty minutes when he said this. Super racist, but hilarious.

Crispy

Wack Swagger vs. Sheamus– When we come back from commercial, we see that Swagger got the jobber entrance, which again normally means a lost. This is another match in the IC tourney for #1 contender. Swagger starts in control of the match, landing some big blows to the big Irishman. Sheamus comes back with some clotheslines that knock Swagger out of the ring. After some Zeb interference, both men get back in the ring. The match turns into the brawl you would expect between the two. Sheamus goes for a really awkward spring board belly flop, that Swagger turns into the Patriot Lock, Sheamus fights out and Swagger takes him out of the ring. When back in the ring, Sheamus hits Swagger with the Brogue Kick for the win. Sheamus moves onto the second round.

brogue_kick_1

Wyatt family/John Cena promo- When we come back, the Wyatt family is the ring. Wyatt says he’s got Cena on the ropes and all he needs now is a little push. Bray says that he wants to play and he calls Cena out. Cena, being Cena, then of course comes out. Cena says he wants to have some fun. Cena says they always comes down to the ring and act so serious. He says Wyatt tried to bring out a monster, but there isn’t a monster to bring out. He then basically says, “Lighten up bros”. He then says that he thinks the Wyatts are probably actually party people when they cut loose. This isn’t an exact transcript of what he says, but the general idea in much less words. He then does the ole WWE gimmick of showing really terrible photo shopped pictures of the family, giving them each silly names. Wyatt then rebutts by saying that all Cena does when he sees a threat is make jokes. Cena then says if he wants serious, he will give them serious. The last time he got serious, Wyatt lost.He says Wyatt is all talk and without the family he is nothing. He then calls out Wyatt, one on one in a steel cage match, without the family with him. Bray says he likes that idea. He then says one of them will get stuck and how can Cena be 100 percent sure it won’t be him? Bray then says that this is his world and it belongs to him. He then starts singing I’ve got the whole world in my hands.

hes-got-the-whole-world-in-his-hands

Santino and Emma vs. Fandango and Layla- For what seems like the tenth week in a row, we get a mixed tag match between Santino and Fandango, only this time Fandango has dumped Summer Rae and is now rolling with Layla. We are shown the break up tweets between Summer and Fandango, which are far better than the actual match that happened. The highlight of the tweets is when Fandango tweets that Layla smells like cinnamon… toast crunch. As for the actual match, Fandango and Layla win after Layla basically just makes Emma fall and then pins her. Wtf, does she not even have a single move? I hope they have something planned for Summer, because she is much better than Layla.

cinnamon-toast-crunch-cannibal-commercials-2

 

 

We go to the back where Stephanie is talking to someone. He tells them that their personal actions are getting out of the way. It turns out she is talking to Kane. Stephanie says she doesn’t want to hear it from him. She says that they thought they hired someone that could fill the position correctly. She says that he failed 3 times against Daniel Bryan. She calls Kane pathetic, and calls him a shell of what he used to be. She says he used to make women cry with his presence. She asks him what happened to the old Kane. Kane stands up and gets in Stephanie’s face. Kane looks over at his mask inside the case. He opens the case and puts his hand on the mask. He picks the mask up and holds it up. He says he is going to eviscerate Daniel Bryan, which is kinda gross.

gross

 

Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett- Again, when we get back Ziggler is already in the ring. They really have to quit doing this, they are totally telegraphing the winner. The guy who gets the entrance always wins! They have a decent match where Ziggler sells like crazy, like he always does. I should note that Barrett looks exceptionally happy, probably because he is actually wrestling again and has a gimmick that is over, for the first time in his career. Barrett wins with the Bullhammer. Barrett moves on to the second round of the IC tourney and I got some bad news for Ziggler, looks like he is still riding the jobber express.

job

After the match Barrett says he’s got bad news, he will be the next IC champ. Definitely possible.

The Shield vs. Every mid card and jobber heel on the roster- Seriously, this becomes an 11 on 3 match. Funny thing, I could actually see a scenario where the Shield actually wins the match. Heath Slater starts for the heel squad and gets his ass handed to him by the Shield for a few minutes. Slater then manages to tag in Mcyntire, who gets in a few shots on Rollins, then he tags in Titus O’Neill  who gets in a few moves, then Rusev tags in and gets his shots in on Rollins. Swagger then gets tagged in and gets in his shots, then Ryback tags in and puts in a few moves. Ryback tosses Rollins out of the ring, then gives chase. On the outside, Reigns nails Ryback with a spear, then all hell breaks loose. All 11 dudes start attacking Reigns. Rollins then comes over the top rope and nails all 11 dudes on the outside of the ring. The Shield are back in the ring standing tall. All the heels get up and swarm the ring, the Shield are able to fight back a bit, until the numbers game catches up to them. We then hear the Evolution music and Orton, Batista, and Triple H come out. They hit the ring and attack the Shield, and all the other heels know their role and bail to the outside, while Evolution takes out the Shield. Batista and Orton hit the Batista bomb RKO neckbreaker on Ambrose. Triple H has a mic. Triple H yells at Roman Reigns telling him to come on. Reigns is trying to get up. Batista and Orton hold Reigns. Triple H gets in Reign’s face and says “Believe in Evolution” and then hits Reigns with a Pedigree. Evolution poses over The Shield and to the WWE Universe as we go off the air.

evolution

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted on April 16, 2014, in Wrestling and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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